What I see

The view I see when I look in the mirror, isn’t the same view that others see of me.

Maybe it is, but maybe it isn’t.

Anything and everything negative you can think of will race through my mind in a matter of seconds.

People don’t understand why I can’t see what they see and sometimes I don’t understand either.

I have worked hard on becoming healthier mentally and physically.

I struggle to see results, which I feel leads me back to old habits because I don’t feel there is a reason to keep going.

You cannot embrace what you do not see.

For so many years I have body shamed my body, naturally and comfortably.

I decided, enough was enough, and I have been adding more positive thoughts into my life.

Some days it’s honestly easy to look in the mirror to tell and show myself that I look good, healthier, and smaller.

Then, the dreadful days appear and all I want to do is cover up the mirror with a sheet to hide my reflection.

You want to know what I see in the mirror from my perspective?

On a bad day, I see a girl with low self-esteem, stretch marks, love handles that flare out like a pillow and a double chin the size of a cantaloupe.

I don’t see any muscle definition newly forming or the change in my body from losing fifty pounds.

Just a girl, her weight, and her inner scars show back in the reflection in the mirror.

 

This is very personal, deep and hard for me to share, but I feel it must be shared.

For friends, family, and the world, to understand that I know I am not alone with these thoughts.

I want people to know I do not always think this way and more often, recently, my mindset has been more positive than negative.

If any advice can be given I would like to say, take it one day at a time with yourself.

All parts of yourself are welcome.

Write one positive attribute about yourself a day, or maybe a week.

Learn about yourself, notice everything you do, even the little parts and pieces of you.

You have to trust knowing yourself, so you can accept yourself, and then eventually love yourself.

-B